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Disabled man releases list of dos and don’ts for people who want to date him



A disabled man, has released a list of dos and don’ts to be followed by people who are intrested in dating him.

21-year-old Joshua Reeves who has cystic fibrosis, decided to make the list after trying unsuccessfully to find a date. He became fed up and tried to break the stigma with his list.

Joshua's list includes not asking your date ‘where your carer’ is, and not using terms such as ‘brave’ or ‘hero’. He also says he doesn’t want sympathy or to be offered to be pushed to the toilet.

1. Do just love us for who we are, not because you feel sorry for us.
2. Do acknowledge the fact that we are in wheelchairs and don’t avoid around the issue but treat us the same as if we weren’t using a wheelchair.
3. Do the same as what you would do on a date with any person.
4. Do spend time to listen and if we do mention the reason why that we are disabled or if we don’t, give us time to feel completely comfortable.
5. Don’t patronise us.
6. Don’t give us sympathy – we don’t need to be constantly called ‘special’ or a ‘hero’.
7. Don’t assume you have to take care us – we’re perfectly fine of showering and going to the toilet ourselves.
8. Don’t ask us where our carer is – we don’t ask where your mother is on a night out.
9. Don’t be scared to take it the next level; just go with the flow – just see what happens (e.g. if you want to lean in for the kiss, do it).
10. Don’t think we aren’t looking for a relationship – we want to find love too


Joshua who's been single for several years after his seven month relationship packed up, said:
We message and the conversation flows but as soon as I say I’m in a wheelchair they go cold. ‘It’s not as harsh as it sounds as they say they’ll still meet me when I ask if it’s changed their view. ‘They just stop responding. Which in a way is worse. But I think they’re scared off because they just think I’ll be completely dependent on them. ‘I’m just looking for someone to love me.’
He added: ‘I’m just fed up of the same thing happening. They don’t let things progress to the next step because they fear they will turn into your carer. ‘It’s almost as if people don’t think you can decide for yourself. I’m perfectly able to cook, wash and go to the toilet by myself. ‘I was at a wedding once and someone went up to my mum and asked her if I wanted to dance. I was right there.

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